Journey Back to My Lord

Maria Edwin

Romans 5:8 “But God shows his own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This bible verse is very prevalent in my life. Even through the darkest moments of my life, God was there for me. Growing up, I was raised in a traditional catholic family with very prayerful parents. But as the saying goes you can only build a relationship with someone if you have a personal encounter with them. My encounter with God happened during an Abhishekagni retreat in my sophomore year. Before this retreat, I was so deep in sin that I felt worthless and hopeless. In sin so deep, I was running further and further away from God. I carried so much guilt and loneliness from all these years that my burden suddenly became unbearable to carry. Along with these burdens, the miscarriage of my baby sister came as a shock which led me into depression and hatred towards God. I began asking him why did he take her away and believed that he didn’t love me anymore. But for the first time in my life during the retreat, I didn't question him, I simply believed. I came before God with an open heart and gave it all to him. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. Just like that, the emptiness of my materialistic and sinful life was filled with a peace and joy that only comes from above. Lord, our hearts are restless until they rest in you (St. Augustine). Looking back, I remember how much I didn’t want to be there on the first day but, God’s love slowly changed me. I was able to make a good confession, which I hadn’t done in a really long time. After the confession, as I was sitting in Holy Mass, God spoke to me through Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” From that day onwards, I was able to see his unfailing love and his endless mercy through every moment of my life. With his grace, I was able to receive many healings and blessings. So my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter how deep in sin you are or how unworthy you feel, remember that your Father in heaven loves you and is waiting for you to return into his arms. Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”